An Invitation

1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

ISAIAH 55

Just One of Those Days

So I am scheduled to house sit for the Smith family for a whole week, and am looking forward to ruling the roost in a house, even if it's just for a week.
I headed over there tonight, armed with my bag, my pillow, and a whole gallon of my favorite mint chip ice cream. I was worried about its lifespan, considering it was 104 degrees here in lovely Auburn today. So I just blasted the air conditioning all the way to the house, thinking how much I was looking forward to an evening of cable, ice cream, and some peace and quiet.
When I got there, I bolted for the house as fast as I could juggling my big armload. Just the walk from the car to the house left me sweating. It's way too hot here. I fit the key into the lock and...nothing. It wouldn't turn. "My arms can't be that weak," I thought, and applied more force. The bag was getting heavy on my shoulder and I started getting antsy from the heat. Still the key wouldn't budge left or right. I walked around the house and tried all four doors, same result. Their three legged dog, Lucky, followed me from door to door, looking at me with big expectant brown eyes. The heat was almost unbearable. To top it off, the back door had a heavy screen door that slammed fiercely on my heel. Suddenly, I had blood dripping down my leg. Great. Just great. And it hurt too.
After another round of unsuccessful tries, I headed over the neighbor's house (with a slight limp), hoping they would know what to do. I hoped I was walking up to the right house...that could be potentially awkward. And why dear God is it so hot? I kept thinking. All the while, my poor ice cream sits on the porch.
The neighbors, who were friends, were super sweet. After walking with me across the street to try all the doors again (did they just assume I had weak arms? Did they not believe I knew how to turn a key?), they deemed the key unworkable, and invited me into the blessedly air conditioned house. They're in the midst of moving, so their house was a bit turned upside down. The wife started to rifle through a huge stack of crinkled papers on the island counter, looking for Mrs. Smith's cell number. As the pile of papers seemed to grow in front of my eyes, I was still thinking about the ice cream...melting on the front porch. I have no idea how anyone could find anything in that stack of papers, but eventually she did.
Of course the cell phone number didn't work, she is in Mexico with no service. We tried calling all the other friends and neighbors, but no one had a key. We spent another 15 minutes trying to remember the name of the hotel they are staying at. We finally remembered that it was Club Med, we had to look it up online. Now neither husband or wife were very internet savvy. They managed to pull up a map of how to get to Cancun, a bunch of Spanish websites, and a toll free number that turned out to be an automated voice system entirely in Spanish... all of which did us absolutely no good.
The minutes dragged, but eventually they were able to get an actual hotel number. More Spanish. "I'm just going to push a random number" the wife said. Luckily (the first lucky thing that happened!), it worked and she was connected with the front desk. We left a message for them in their hotel room and that was all we could do. By then, the sun had started to set, and I was homeward bound once again. So much for my peaceful quiet night.
By the time I drove away with my soggy gallon of ice cream, I was still slightly frazzled. Not nearly as bad as the time I had to pee in the cup for the drug test (another story, another time), but still. Now there's no moral to this story, no happy God-thought that came out of it. I did get a melted ice cream and a bloody leg. And I did learn that it's way too hot in the state of California (maybe i'll move to...Seattle?). But it did make me laugh and I had to think, "It's just one of those days."

A Tidbit About Girls...

"Eve is given to Adam as his ezer kenegdo- or as his "help meet"... helper. Doesn't sound like much does it? It makes me think of Hamburger Helper. However, the word is notoriously difficult to translate, and it means something far more powerful... "lifesaver". The phrase is only used elsewhere of God, when you need him to come through for you desperately. Eve is a lifegiver, she's Adam's ally. It is to both of them that the charter for adventure is given. It will take both of them to sustain life.
Eve is fallen though. Not even the extravagance of Eden could convince her that God's heart is good. When Eve was deceived , the artistry of women took a fateful dive into the barren places of control and loneliness. Now every daughter of Eve wants to control her surroundings, her relationships, her God. No longer is she vulnerable; now she will be grasping. Now she has trouble simply sharing in the adventure, she likes to control it. And as for her beauty, she either hides it in fear and anger, or she uses it to secure her place in the world. In her fear that no one will speak on her behalf, or protect her, or fight for her, she starts to manipulate her surroundings so she doesn't feel defenseless.
Fallen Eve either becomes rigid or she becomes clingy. Eve is no longer simply inviting. She struggles with hiding in busyness, or demanding Adam to rescue her; often it is a combination of both...."
-John Eldridge

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old...

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.  It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here goes:

 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
 4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
 5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. Both of you could be right at the same time.
 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
 10. Love your parents because they will be gone before you know it.
 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
 13. Don't compare your life to others' lives. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
 16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
 18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
 19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
 24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
 27. Always choose to be happy, then you will.
 28. Forgive everyone everything.
 29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
 32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
 33. Believe in miracles.  Then you see when they happen.
 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
 35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
 36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
 37. Your children get only one childhood.
 38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. Besides, sunshine makes you feel happy.
 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
 41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
 42. The best is yet to come.
 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
 44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.  Open it and say 'Thank you.                 

Bouquet

There’s something about the heady mixture of pine trees, red dirt, and crisp air that gets me all lit up inside. The smell of the mountains, the view of the lake, the tall trees against a blue sky….I love it. I went camping this weekend. I love to camp, I feel like a little girl again and I’m going on a big adventure. I love the smell of campfire smoke, I love the sound of the tent unzipping, I love being cozy in a sleeping bag, I love hot dogs and smores, I love playing card games, I love being able to be grungy and dirty and not worry about showering, I love swimming in the lake, I love the sound of crickets, I love just sitting around for hours in the camp chairs just chatting and telling stories, I love how fresh everything smells, I love how quiet it is.

I always feel like I have time to think and just be still when I’m camping. So here’s what my thoughts were occupied with…

The more we drove out of town, the higher we climbed up the windy road, the more my spirits heightened, burdens lifting. To be in the middle of nature is amazing -- something in me always unwinds. When we pulled up to the lake campsite, the sun was just setting. The clouds were billowing, pink and yellow with the setting sun. The tall trees surrounding the still water were tipped in a mellow gold. There was a slight mist coming off the lake, and the water was glass, reflecting all the colors of the rainbow. I was…well, like a little girl, all aglow with delight. I couldn’t help it!

After we set up camp and ate, and did all that practical stuff, my sisters and I sat on the dock and dangled our feet in the lake. The stars were starting to come out, and their reflection in the lake was… stunning.

Stars never fail to amaze me. I look up, and I love feeling so small. It puts everything back into perspective for me. In all honesty, I could use a lot more time just looking up at the stars. Back at the camp site, we put our sleeping bags outside, curled up in them, and found a spot among the trees where the sky was visible. The tall pine trees were still shadowy and golden, flickering from the fire that was slowly dying just a few feet away. The black sky was peeking through and there were so many glistening stars…

It was breathtaking. Words sometimes are so hard to pin down, but I was utterly content. My arm was looped through Paige's and Shelby's head was resting on my shoulder. I wanted to just be there, mesmerized by the stars, totally peaceful, forever. On my ipod, one of my favorite worship songs came on. I thought it was so very perfect. The lyrics go like this,

“See the way He holds the stars in His hands. See the way He holds my heart.
With just one word from Your mouth were the heavens made. With just one sound from Your lips, the foundations were laid. With just one thought of Your mind, You have wanted me. With just one pulse of Your heart, You are wooing me. You are wooing me.
For God is a lover looking for a lover, so he fashioned me…God is a lover looking for a lover, so He formed my heart.
See the way he holds the stars in His hands, see the way He holds my heart.”

Laying on my back, looking up at the stars cluttering the sky, I thought “I think God is wooing me.” I like it that He holds my heart. It’s so comforting. If He can hold all those stars, He can definitely love me, woo me, hold me in the way I long for. He can hold something as grand as the stars, and treasure something as delicate as my heart.

As I was thinking all this, suddenly lightning streaked across the sky. It was followed closely by a deep roll of thunder.

I’m pretty sure I got chills. I LOVE thunderstorms. Always have.

“No way.” I thought. Just when I thought the night couldn’t get any better, it did!

Someone once told me that she looked at nature and thought of it as “God’s bouquet of flowers for me.” I loved that, and I thought about that comment as God pulled out all the stops. The sunset, the lake, the stars, the lightning and thunder….it’s God saying He loves me. It’s His way of wooing me with a bouquet of flowers (or pine trees, sunsets, stars, and thunder).

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Peace Transcends Understanding

Doubts. Fears.
No answers, just void.
Empty inside
One foot forward
Now the next
So heavy
When can I rest

Dull thud,
My heart drums
Distant in my ear
A dull ache,
Constantly there
If pain gives strength
Why do I still break?

Tangled mess
Heart and mind battle
Hands grip tight
Clenching white
So thrashed
Tired of seeing the world
Through bloodshot eyes


Calm. Peace.
All is still quiet
But I'm fulfilled inside
One foot forward
Not labored or heavy
Wanting the next step
I finally feel rest

Pitter pat
My heart skips
That's how that feels
I'd almost forgotten
With a flitter
Bitter hurt
Slips into oblivion

Strength comes with time
Heart and mind align
Hands outstretch
Open palms face up
Pain left no trace
Now see the world
In rose colored shades

PEACE...
--"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace."
--"But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace."
--"Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace."
-- "I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly."
--"Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other."
--"Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble."
--"There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace."
--"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
--"When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him."
--"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."
--"My covenant was with him, a covenant of life and peace, and I gave them to him; this called for reverence and he revered me and stood in awe of my name."
--"True instruction was in his mouth and nothing false was found on his lips. He walked with me in peace and uprightness, and turned many from sin."
--"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."
--"If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you."
--"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
--"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
--"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
--"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."
--"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."
--"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you."

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up sage in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, imprenetrable, irredeemable." -C.S. Lewis

Africa

Blank, dark eyes
Staring long; pierce my heart
Deep wells of sorrow
They've seen lives torn apart

Smooth, dark skin
Small hands grasping mine
I reach and grab on
Black and white entwine

These children melt me
My heart constricts
Their precious glances
Not possible to forget

The memory remains
Imprinted in my mind
It never strays far
Frozen in time

A parade of young faces
Lined deep with pain
Yet I see their smiles
I hear the refrain

The lilt of joyful words
Lifted up in sweet song
Across the desert sand
The note holds long

This image is clear
Playing round in my head
Next time I feel selfish
I think of them instead

Relentless Love

"God cast a man and a woman out of Paradise. Yet, for all their human flaws and failures, God shows them a way back in:
Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against darkness. And always love. That's the way back into Eden. That's the way into life." -Francine River's "Redeeming Love"

I was re-reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It's a retelling of the Hosea story. Most girls love her book because it's a tender, beautiful love story. It's about the unconditional love a man has for his wife. She is a hardened, battered woman who was forced into prostitution at the age of 8. Just as in the Bible story, the Lord told Michael to marry and woo Angel. With incredible tenderness, he breaks down the walls she's built over the years of unimaginable abuse. He teaches her how to love, to feel clean, and how to forget her troubled past. He loves her as though she is the most precious, lovely woman in the entire world. When she runs away, turns her back on Michael, and chooses to be a prostitute again, he doesn't give up on her. Instead, he pursues her, forgives her, and loves her just the same.
What many readers don't see is that while the book is a beautiful story of a husband and wife, no man will be that perfect. No, the story is a metaphor for how Christ loves us. No matter how dirty we are, no matter how often we turn our backs on Him, no matter how much we decline His love, He still gives it freely. Now that is a stunning, tender love story. No matter what other loves we pursue, His voice whispers, "Beloved, come back to me". With a love like that, how can we not pour our own meager love out onto others?
Love is how we make it in this world. The Lord relentlessly loves, pursues, and forgives us. And we in turn should love others in the same manner. Love is the most beautiful thing there is.

Hosea 2:13-16
She decked herself with rings and jewelry,
and went after her lovers,
but me she forgot,"
declares the LORD.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master. '

Change in the Winds

I sit here, in my empty dorm room. Honestly, it's incredibly depressing. My heart aches. I'm sad to leave here. The bare mattress, the empty book shelves, the scrubbed counters. So many memories dance through this small space. My dearest friends have come and gone through this door. I've cried countless nights on this bed, but I've also had valuable girl talk curled up on this blanket. I've had dance parties on this carpet. I've pulled all nighters at this desk. I comforted, I listened, I complained, I broke, I healed, I laughed, I stressed...I grew. All in this room.
You can't stop change. It creeps upon you, shoving you forward into that scary unknown. I hate the black abyss we call the future. I try to imagine it, decipher it, figure it out. But it remains allusive, often shocking me with its surprises. I hate moving on. I cling, holding on tightly to what is familiar, what is secure, what is lovable.
Tomorrow I am leaving friends nearest and dearest to my heart. What will have changed when I return to them? How will we have grown up even more? My heart aches at the thought of leaving them, and of leaving this particular time in my life.
You can't stop change. There is a season for everything in this life, or so Ecclesiastes says. But what if you like the current season? How can you tell change to "hold it right there, don't come any closer". Yes, the future may be bright and beautiful, but it is different. This time in my life: the hairbrained, overwhelmed with figuring myself out, crazy 12 units of Torrey with my Plato family, living in nerdy Sigma with my roomie, feeling like an underclassman...that time in life is now over.
To be content in any situation...ah, how often I fail. But sometimes, contentment finds you. And in that moment, you count all your blessings and you find yourself incredibly grateful. So, even though I am sad to be moving forward in life, I am so thankful. I am thankful for the loving and growing I've done with my dear ones, even just within these walls. I am thankful for my moment of contentment, of being filled up with marvelous blessings.
I wish I could face the future and say bravely "bring on the change! I'm ready". But I'm not always that brave. I am, however, sure of a few things: memories are beautiful, friends are always beloved, and God loves to bless us with contentment if we just trust in Him, even during change.

Best Book Ever...My Blue Castle

Valancy looked--and looked--and looked again. There was a diaphanous, lilac mist on the lake, shrouding the island. Through it the two enormous pine-trees that clasped hands over Barney's shack loomed out like dark turrets. Behind them was a sky still rose-hued in the afterlight, and a pale young moon.

Valancy shivered like a tree the wind stirs suddenly. Something seemed to sweep over her soul.

"My Blue Castle!" she said. "Oh, my Blue Castle!"

They got into the canoe and paddled out to it. They left behind
the realm of everyday and things known and landed on a realm of
mystery and enchantment where anything might happen--anything might be true. Barney lifted Valancy out of the canoe and swung her to a lichen-covered rock under a young pine-tree. His arms were about her and suddenly his lips were on hers. Valancy found herself shivering with the rapture of her first kiss.

"Welcome home, dear," Barney was saying.

The Snow is Not Forever

In the stillness
Snow falls silently
The ground is white
Pure white
The cold bites
Stinging cheeks red
There is nothing
All around is empty
Just blank space
Flurries of white
Against a gray sky
And more silence
The hush of snowfall
You are all alone

But close your eyes
See white blossoms
Softly spiral
A dress of white
Pure white
A pink blush
Stains the cheek
There's smiling eyes
And faces all around
Petals dot the ground
As you walk
Airily to him
And you'll never
Be alone again.

P.S.

So I had finished writing the below post and the next day I came across this verse...I couldn't believe my eyes...
"This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16
So amazingly perfect for what I've been feeling!

Crossroad

She stands at a crossroad. Alone. At this point in the road, the straight, level path splits into two separate ways. Both paths wind out of her view, shadowed deeply by the overcast of the towering trees. Her small frame shivers slightly in the breeze that sweeps through the forest. She is acutely aware of the pebbles pressing into the soles of her sandals, urging her to move. 5 toes point to the left, while the other foot is angled towards the right. 2 paths. Which to take? The leaves rustle impatiently. The woods are hushed, she hears loudly the unsteady intake of her own breath. Still, she is rooted to the dirt path.
Until this point, her way had been straight...predictable...sunlit. She had danced, laughed and twirled through the flowered meadows. But no more. Now, here she stands, a single dark silhouette, halted at the crossroad.
Darkness approaches. Crickets chirp, filling the silence, but clouding her head with noise. She remains frozen. The gray twilight deepens and neither path looks appealing in the dusk. She tilts her chin up, searching the sky amidst the tangled web of trees. No stars can be seen. No light to guide her.
It is deeply dark, with only hints of moonlight spotting the ground. Still no decision. Craning her neck, she peers down each path, longing desperately for just one sign post to mark the way. To choose the wrong way would mean hours of back tracking or becoming utterly lost in a haunted forest.
The wind picks up, spinning dead leaves around her ankles, whistling eerily in her ear. Choose. She must choose. The chilling cold, the oppressive dark, the movement of scampering animals...all pressure her to move. Move.
But sill, she waits, weighing the decision. Hour after hour she stands, her feet not daring to move an inch. Fear causes her heart to pulsate erratically and more than once she tastes the saltiness of tears streaking down her face. She stays alert. Hour after hour. The black night slowly, painstakingly turns to navy, from navy to gray, from gray to silver, and finally from silver to gold.
Still, she waits. Birds sing deep in the branches. The high trill makes her lift her eyes from the ground for the first time in hours. Mellow sunlight filters through the forest, illuminating the two paths again. She sighs, a deep, heart-wrenching heave that expels all the air from her body. Still, she has no idea. It seems she has stood at that crossroad for an eternity.
It is time for a choice. Left or right? Then...drifting delicately through the forest, she hears the lilting, airy melody of an instrument...perhaps a flute. She does not know its origin, but its refrain puts her heart at instant peace. A smile tilts the sides of her mouth. The sound creates an energy that flows through her body. Her waiting is over. Following the music, she slowly lifts up her foot, leaving behind in the crossroad a small footprint deep in the dirt.

Spiritual Gifts

1. Mercy (11 pts)
2. Encourage (10 pts)
3. Missions, Hospitality, Faith (9 pts)
4. Service (8 pts)
5 Wisdom, Help/Administration (7 pts)
6. Teaching, Pastoring, Leading, Knowledge (5 pts)
7. Evangelize (4 pts)
8. Discerning Spirits (3 pts)
9. Celibacy (0 pts) ha ha

Father, when do I fight
When do I stay still
Do I jump forward
Or wait for you to fulfill
Lord, I am so weak
And I'm feeling lost
Life is up and down
By winds & waves I'm tossed
I trust in your wisdom
I listen for your voice
But what must I do
Why must I make this choice?
Father, hold my hand
Draw near to me I pray
I know that if I call to you
My fears and doubts you'll take

Psalms...

"Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain."

"My soul melts away with sorrow, strengthen me according to your word."

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word."

"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life."

"The lord is my portion; I promise to keep your words. I entreat your favor with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise."

"The Lord will keep you from all evil, he will keep your life, The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in, from this time forth and forevermore."

"I am yours, save me, for I have kept your precepts."

"Hear my voice, according to your steadfast love."

"The Lord is your keeper, the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day nor the moon by night."

"Oh Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not too high. I do not occupy myself with things to great and marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore."

"The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you O Lord have not forsaken those who seek you."

"Indeed none who wait for You will be put to shame."

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and He will act. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Fret not yourself"

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky. Yes, the Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase. Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way."

"I desire to do your will, O my God. Your law is within my heart."

"Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, that he may deliver their soul from death and keep him alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust his holy name. Let your steadfast love, Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

"Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings."

I am a tree...

"For there is hope for a tree, if it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grows old in the earth and its stump dies in the hard soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out new branches like a young plant." -Job 14:7-8.

I yearn for water.

I want Heaven!

“This is the land I have been looking for my whole life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this.” –The Last Battle

My Proverbs (about Personal Relationships)

Thank you to Dr. Jenson, who is not only a favorite professor and super cute, but who kindly set us free today during Torrey to wander campus creating proverbs. My group and I were assigned to write proverbs about personal relationships. We sat at the fountain, watching all the interactions. I notices the smiles, the hugs, the questions, the chatting, the complaining, the laughing, the enjoying, the hitting, the hand-holding, the conversations, the flirting. I also had the pleasure of hanging out with two of the cutest kids ever, Elizabeth and Jack, and their two stuffed bears. Kids bring forward the biggest smiles, they’re so good for the soul. These two bright blondes made me laugh with their adorable chatter and hilarious antics. While doing one of my favorite pastimes (people watching), I thought about the huge need we have for all sorts of human interaction: the relationships between us and friends, parents, children, a beloved. All vitally important. Here are some of our proverbs:
“As pleasant as a warm afternoon, so is a conversation with a dear friend”
“A smile from a person far outweighs a smile typed out”
“A man may have many riches, but without friends he is still poor”
“Friendships make the unbearable bearable”
“As dirt muddies a stream, so romance muddies a friendship”
“A child is the best reminder of joy”
“People need people, for one cannot laugh alone”
“A friendly smile and hug are worth a thousand good grades”
“As an adult helps a child grow older, the child helps the adult be younger”
“Look! It is good and pleasant to dwell together in love with brethren!”
“As makeup reveals or conceals, so a smile can reveal or conceal the state of the soul”

My Favorite Worship Song Right Now

Savior I come quiet my soul. Remember redemption's hill, where your blood was spilled for my ransom. Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out. Bring me to my knees, Lord, I lay me down. Rid me of myself, I belong to You. Oh lead me, lead me to the cross.
You were as I tempted and tried. The word became flesh, bore my sin and death; now you're risen. Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost.
Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out. Bring me to my knees, Lord, I lay me down. Rid me of myself, I belong to You. Oh lead me, lead me to the cross.
To your heart, to your heart. Lead me to your heart, Lead me to your heart.

Break

where did it go
why did you leave me alone
the feeling is fleeting,
my dear, your no longer with me

what did you take, what did you leave
even if it was for my sake
my love, you turned on what I gave
and took what i can't ever regain

so before you fly away,
know i'll never be quite the same
what was is gone and may never come back
my life is all wrong, but i can't go back

you lost a heart worth holding
and a soul worth saving
my life is out of your hands
so put me back on firm land

yours is yours
mine is mine
steps no longer alined
your soul not entwined with mine

Heart Beat

Fragile, fluttering gently, full of emotion, and oh so frail. With every beat my heart drums the call, "love-me, love-me, love-me". Yet, no one answers to the cry. It beats loudly into the emptiness of space, and still no one comes to hold me. My heart fights daily. Fights feelings of inadequacy, of fear, of loneliness, of guilt, of pain. My heart is a fighter, yet it often feels so weak. So vulnerable. It can be crushed with a snap, hurt with a word, broken with a silence. Do I want my heart to be harder? Do I wish for it to beat "leave-me, leave-me, leave-me"? It would avoid so much hurt, derail so much pain. But then, I'd be just a shell of the Callie God made me to be. Someday, I hope there will be someone who sees my heart, sees the love I'm capable of bestowing, and thinks, "that is precious, that is desirable". How can one see a heart? How can one hear that small call? It is displayed through actions, through devotion, through selflessness, through caring, through forgiveness, through cherishing, through passion, through loyalty. It can be felt through a look, a touch, a kind word. When someone answers the call of my heart and thinks that I am worth loving, the cry will change, it will beat, "love-you, love-you, love-you"...

Hosea 2:19-20

I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD"

Ben-Hur

I was watching Ben-Hur today. To those who have not seen it, just do it. It's three hours of your life that you won't mind losing. Yes, it's heart-wrenching and tear-jerking. But it's also heartwarming and the tears come from emotions more than sorrow. I think I love it because it gives another view of the gospel. It tells the story of Jesus from another perspective. To be able to convey all the emotions of the birth, death, and resurrection of the Messiah all through the journey of another man, is a powerful tool, for it is so how God works in all our lives.
My favorite scene makes me cry every time. Sentenced unfairly to the galleys, Judah is dragged through the desert with no water. Reaching the village of Nazareth, the ranks of slaves clamor for water, but are beaten back by Roman guards. All the camera shows is Jesus' strong hands picking up a gourd full of water and taking it over to Judah. As the thirsty man gulps down the water, we see the hands gently stroke his hair, as if to say, "It's all going to be okay. I have a plan, even for this. I love you, and I'm so sorry you have to suffer." As soon as Ben-Hur finishes the water, the camera shows his face as he looks up into the face of his Creator. I can't imagine what it would have been like to experience Jesus in person. The camera never shows Jesus' face, only others' reactions to it. I like this, because in the same way, we can't see his face, but we can react to him. We can see how he is taking care of us, we can see all the ways he is giving us water, even if we are in a desert.
This movie evokes in me a strong emotion of awe. The God we serve is so powerful. How can I doubt that the God of Abraham, of Moses, of David, of Jesus will take care of me! How can I not have full faith in someone who is so utterly capable? And how can I not love someone who is so compassionate? How can I not fully give all I have to Him, this powerful and loving and kind and capable Savior.

Joel 2:23

23 "Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the Lord your God,
for he has given you
the autumn rains in righteousness.
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before."

This verse is hopeful. I look at it and think, He always blesses those who are righteous. He never fails to look after us. Even though there are difficult seasons in our life, we will be replenished. He won't ever turn his back on us, but will refresh, renew, restore.

Joy Sonnet

A smile lights the eyes from a joy within.
It’s not a fleeting feeling or notion,
Joy’s there with you, no matter where or when.
It’s a somewhat rare human emotion;
Not all can smile no matter what comes.
And joy is not always easy to have,
Joy is for one who trusts, has peace, and loves;
No matter what happens you still can laugh.
Just like a brook bubbling along the ground,
Merrily going its way over stones,
Not caring about the world all around,
No storm, cold frost, or any wind that moans.
It still is constantly tripping along,
Happy, content, always singing a song.

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are 
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten 
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples 
at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are 
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one 
who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.


Math Class "Be Creative" Assignment

What if life were dull
We only existed to breathe
The only point in waking
Was to eat, sleep, repeat

What if there was no beauty
No birds, no meadow, no sky
Without sunshine, or lull of the sea
Why should we even try

What if there was no music
To evoke emotion in our soul
No sweet strain of melody
That makes us feel at home

But it is not so, life can be full
Full of laughter, of sunsets, of dance
Life isn't just the day to day drudge
You have to look and find its romance

Jennifer and Jim kept getting huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage. But no matter how they tried to conserve, the high bills continued. Although they could see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or problems: first the water meter, then outdoor pipes, indoor pipes, underground pipes, faucets, toilets, washer, ice-maker, etc., all to no avail. One day Jim was sick and stayed home in bed, but kept hearing water running downstairs. He finally tore himself from his sick bed to investigate, and stumbled onto the cause of such high water bills. Apparently this was happening all day long when they were not at home. Knowing that few would believe him, he taped a segment of the 'problem' for posterity.

Psalm 38:8-9

I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.

Seasons

Spring. Flower blossoms begin to bloom, tiny dots of pink and white show on the tops of tree bows. Birds chirp happily, the sunlight basks everything in a mellow yellow. The air smells fresh, the breeze is a mild cool breath, everything seems to dazzle a bit. I think of the sound of a baseball bat, the smell of freshly mowed lawn, the sound of crickets by the creek, the tranquility of perfect warm, glowing sunshine. Footsteps are lighter, fashions are cuter, freckles are darker. In the springtime, new things seem suddenly possible. Maybe you'll finally kiss that boy, today you'll go for that run around the track, you'll make a fabulous meal, or do something crazy with your girlfriends. Spring is the artistic season. The season of paint brushes and poems and piano movements and, my personal favorite, roses.

Summer. The smell of chlorine and sunscreen comes to mind. You walk outside and feel like a cookie being popped into a warm oven. Oh how I long for those lazy days of summer. Ice tea and lemonade, lounging by water, hikes down creeks, long primrose twilights. Summer nights are my favorite. What seems to have wilted during the day become revitalized with the peaceful calm of the setting sun. The stars are especially breathtaking. When I imagine summer, I see campfires with smores,endless card games, candles, the hum of fans, movie nights, smoothies and ice cream. In the summer, you can feel your whole self recharge. You can dream of exotic vacations with palm trees and an aqua ocean with smooth white beaches. Summer is the adventurous season. The season of hiking, camping, swimming, boating, and, my favorite, traveling.

Autumn. Just the name itself speaks of mystery, intrigue, beauty, artistry. Leaves turn into brilliant shades of emerald, burgundy, orange, and gold. The whole world seems turned into a fairy world. Fogs roll in, bewitching the world with its secrecy. The rain begins to replenish the green earth, causing unfurled umbrellas and frolicking in puddles. Stormy clouds make the house seem cozy and the grey sky seems eerie in a fascinating, magical way. Blankets, socks, and scarfs come back into use. I think of the smell of wood burning, the rain pattering, the teapot whistling. Autumn is the romantic season. The season of intimacy, of friendship, of reflection, of beauty, of, my favorite, reading.

Winter. There is a gentle hush, the soft downy flakes of snow, the wild stormy nights, the taste of rich dark hot chocolate. Twinkle lights begin to introduce the Christmas season. Christmas. Excitement, cheer, joy, decorations, memories. The world seems bare and stark and grey, yet it is beautiful in its melancholy. If the snow comes, it covers everything in pure white and the world is transformed into a wonderland of magic. The nip of the crystal cold air leaves an invigorating energy. Snow men, the smell of a heater, woolen caps, the soft silence of snow covered terrain. I think of chocolate, the aromatic smell of pine trees, the tinkle of ornaments, the vibrant green color against the white of snow, the aroma of fresh baked cookies, the soft crunch of boots on snow, the twinkling of clear icicles in the shallow sunlight. Winter is the season of memories. The season of following age old traditions, of being cozy, of playing the same games in the snow, of being together as a family.

My Article for the Point Magazine

The presence of God stretches over any boundary, and His powerful hand reaches across the expansions of the globe. Even in the Sin City of Las Vegas, Tamryn Fyvie, Will Anderson, and Matt Draper, three Journalism students from Biola, saw God move in a way that forever changed their lives. For a class trip, the three students were in a Las Vegas housing community going door to door interviewing its residents about the effects of the economic recession on the neighborhood. Knocking on a particular door, they were greeted by an Indian man, Rajan Abraham, who had just moved to Vegas from India in order to become a missionary by starting a church. He struck up a conversation with Tamryn, Will, and Matt and invited them into his home. “I had the impression that he was very Spirit- led,” Tamryn reflects. Abraham continued to share his inspirational experiences as a pastor in India, about how he had seen the Lord heal and convert thousands.
Before the journalism team had to leave, he asked to pray over them. As the four bowed their heads, Rajan began to pray specifically into each of the three students’ lives. He brought before the Lord individual needs that they had not expressed to him, but had shared amongst themselves along the drive. All three felt the presence of the Holy Spirit throughout the room, and found themselves moved to tears. Abraham prayed passionately for certain hardships and for the futures of these young men and women. “It was very affirming to me, and strengthened me in certain ways,” says Matt, for he felt the presence of God and His active power moving in his life. Will, a Biola senior, was inspired by Rajan’s prayer for his future as a man of God. “God has been continuing to work through this, this experience has bled over into a lot of other things in my life,” he recounts. Abraham’s insight into their personal struggles was such immense encouragement to them, for it demonstrated God’s active presence. The prayers of Rajan Abraham and the powerful work of God did not just stop with the lives of the three Biola students. 
 As they left the house, Tamryn, moved by Abraham’s demonstration of faith and a growing belief in the healing power of prayer, asked if he would pray for her 5 year old cousin. Christopher VonBiljon lives in South Africa, and suffers from a fatal cell disease. He had been growing progressively worse over the last four months, even after a bout of chemotherapy; he wasn’t expected to live much longer. The Indian pastor promised to pray as the Journalism team left his home. The next morning, Tamryn received an email from her aunt in South Africa with the news that Christopher’s newest biopsy had come back miraculously clean. He had been healed through the power of prayer. Tamryn was overjoyed for her small cousin, who had suffered for much of his short life. “God is so good, and He really does move,” she said.
Looking back, the students all agreed that it was clear that the “Lord had led them directly to Rajan.” Their experience in the suburban home of Las Vegas affected each of their lives, “It’s more than just a story, It’s a challenge,” said Will. All three were inspired to live outside the boundaries of normal faith. Matt agreed, “It helped me to embrace what I need to be doing.” Trusting God’s presence can change a heart, and having faith in His power can move mountains, or, in this case, travel to the other side of the globe. God is a God that is outside of the pages of the Bible, outside of the Biola community, outside of the borders of California, and even outside the United States. He heals, He speaks, and He can inspire faith, just as Will, Matt, and Tamryn experienced personally.

My Favorite Fictional Character, Anne of Green Gables

Jonah Day. Depths of despair. Kindred Spirits. Lake of Shining Water. Cordelia. Redheaded Snippet. Avonlea.
If it were possible to find a soul mate in a fictional character, Anne would be mine. I have never related with anyone the way I relate to her. Reading about her in the books by L.M. Montgomery is like reading a window into my soul. Anne is a skinny and freckled with red curls. She is a bookworm who is infatuated with nature, with beauty, with light, with thought, and most of all, with imagination. She loves to read, she loves school, she likes to work hard at whatever she sets her mind to. She's ambitious and headstrong and incredibly stubborn. She ends up marrying her best friend, Gilbert, who used to be her worst enemy. She always loves her bosom friend, Diana, who she is ever faithful to. She loves hard, and devotedly. She is passionate and creative. For me, reading about her is like a breath of fresh spring air. She is always optimistic, always dreaming, always wandering through meadows of wild flowers. She loves her home, her family, her friends, her life. She sees the joy in everything, and uses her imagination when true beauty can't be found. And, my favorite part, she is a writer....she gets that dreamy look in her eyes as she is building new castles in the sky. Not many people need to express their imaginative and romantic temperament through writing, so I love it that she does. Anne delights in all the allure this world can offer.

Quotes from the Movie:

I'd like city life for a while, but I've come to the conclusion that I prefer the sound of the wind in the firs much more than the tinkling of crystal."

"I must learn to reflect a little before I rush headlong into disaster!"

"You know, we are rich, we have 19 years to our credit and we have wonderful imaginations. We should be as happy as queens. Look at this view, we couldn't enjoy it anymore if we had ropes of diamonds. I am perfectly content with my string of pearls. Matthew gave them to me with as much love as anyone. I am happy, Diana, and nothing will hold me back."

"Tomorrow is a fresh day, with no mistakes in it."

"Make a little room in your life for romance, Anne Girl. None of the degrees or scholarships in the world can replace it."

"I don't want sunbursts or marble halls. I just want you."

"I went looking for my ideals outside of myself until I discovered that it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it. The dreams that are dearest to my heart are right here."

How Many Shirts Can You Make With One Scarf?

Quotes from Lizzie

"To sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you and hold intimate conversations with men and women of unseen generations--such is a pleasure beyond compare." -Yoshido Kenko

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awoke and saw that life was service
I acted and behold, service was joy."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Near

His fingers are entwined
Tenderly holding mine
The soft rise of breathing
The sound of a heart beating
The comfort of strong arms
I cannot wander far
Stronghold, Father, King
I'm under the shadow of your wing.

"Happy is he, whose heart hath found the art
to turn his double pains into double praise" --George Herbert

Make Me Over

I've been silent instead of speaking up
Gave my advice instead of giving love
I've been unfair, faithless, and unkind
I've shut my eyes just so I would stay blind
It's not what I meant to do, cause I want to honor you

Make me over, make me new
Make me a mirror, a reflection of you
Take me all apart
Take me to your heart
And hold me closer
Jesus, make me over

Take away the part that whispers in the dark
Take the stone out of the middle of my heart
Hidden underneath all of my insecurities
Is the servant that you destined me to be
Day after precious day, I get in my own way

Make me over, make me new
Make me a mirror, a reflection of you
Take me all apart
Take me to your heart
And hold me closer
Sweet Savior, make me over

I am only here because of your majesty
I'm dust and clay on the wind
Wash me in the river of your sacrifice
Until I'm changed and purified

Take me all apart
Take me to your heart
And pull me closer
My Jesus, Make me over.
Make me over

--Natalie Grant

From "Blue Like Jazz"

ABOUT SELFLESSNESS...

"My life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important person in the world. My life testifies to this because I care more about my happiness than about anybody else. I am learning to believe better things. I am learning to believe that other people exist, that fashion is not truth; rather, Jesus is the most important figure in history, and the gospel is the most powerful force in the universe. I am learning not to be passionate about empty things, but to cultivate passion for justice, grace, truth, and communicate the idea that Jesus likes people and even LOVES them."

"For a moment, sitting above the city, I imagined life outside narcissism. I wondered how beautiful it might be to think of others as more important than myself. I wondered at how peaceful it might be not to be pestered by this childish voice that wants for pleasure and attention. I wondered what it would be like not to live in a house of mirrors, everywhere I go being reminded of myself. I think every well-adjusted-human being has dealt squarely with his or her own depravity. I think Jesus feels strongly about communicating the idea of our brokenness, and I think it is worth reflection. Nothing can change in the Congo until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror."
--Donald Miller

I feel you in my heart...But I don't even know you now
I see you in my dreams...But you don't care for me somehow
I hold you in my thoughts...But you don't even remember me
How can you not still see what we used to be
Who am I and who are you...One has become two
But that doesn't seem to bother you
How do we fit into the scheme of things...
Was the love only a lie... just a tease
I've let you go...But you don't even notice it
I smile bravely so you can't see my attachment
I hurt each day ...But you don't care to stop my pain
By now I'm getting strong enough to keep tears at bay
I want your security...But you don't seem to need my support
So here I go...Watch me find someone who wants my heart as bad as I want yours

"The object of the writer is to show the tremendous influence of the environment on the human character and destiny" --Stephen Crane.

Friends

Friends are the salt of the earth. The joy of life. The breath of spring air. The melody line in music. What would a girl do without good friends? Sure, nails would be left unpainted and we'd go crazy from not enough gab time. But in all honesty, I am so thankful for good friends. There is something so wonderful about being uplifted by friends who whole heartedly love you. Who want the best for you and allow you to be 100% yourself. No matter what state you're in.
I thank God for sisters. I feel bad for any girl who doesn't get to experience the blessing of having built in best friends. Right now I'm thinking of ice cream in dark rooms, listening to the rain. I'm thinking of dance parties. I'm thinking about sitting on the roof (and me freaking out). I'm thinking about 3 hour phone conversations. I'm thinking about Gilmore Girls and Friends. I'm thinking about all three of us squooshed on a twin bed. So this is a thank you to my sisses.
Right now, I'm also bursting with gratefulness for wise women! I pray that one day I'll be one! I hope that I can be that loving and wise and kind. That I will have the answers to all of life's problems, that I will remember what it's like to be 19. I know that my life's experiences are teaching me to be someone who can impart love and wisdom by sharing what I've learned. It's amazing to think that one day I will be in their shoes, dealing with a new set of experiences, and other girls will be in my place, feeling things similar to what I feel now. I hope that I will be able to pour into them as much wisdom and love as has been poured into me.

"Friendship is the single soul dwelling in two bodies"--Aristotle.
"The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it."--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The friendship that can cease has never been real." --Saint Jerome
"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends." --Walt Whitman
"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same." --Elbert Hubbard
"Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life." --Thomas Jefferson
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." --Marcel Proust
"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship." --Saint Thomas Aquinas

We dream of no end,
no hello's and no goodbye's
We dream of no fear,
no being wrong or questions why
We dream of holding everything dear,
squeezed tightly in our hands
We dream of freedom, not loneliness.
We dream of love with a chance
We'll be waiting for heaven I guess
Only there is beauty endless

"Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person to bring that relationship to a right standing before God."

"She loved being out alone at night. she liked the great white clouds that occasionally sailed over the stars. she felt as she always felt, when alone with the night, that she shared some lovely secret with the darkness."-L.M Montgomery

Memories

Memories are like chocolate: bitter sweet and melting softly away, leaving just a lingering aftertaste that isn't as enticing as the real thing.
People come and go. Life is a steady stream of time. The water can be still, bleakly stretching into the future. Or, you might be tossed about in a turbulent flurry with harsh temperatures and stinging saltiness on your face. And then there are the beautiful spaces in time where the light glows on your face and the water gently tugs you towards a horizon streaked with the colors of a sunset.
But anyway you look at it, you are moving forward. Sometimes, almost always unexpectedly, a taste, a smell, a sound triggers a memory. You taste all of it's sweetness... you can feel the warmth on your face, you can picture those eyes, you can remember that feeling...but all too soon the sweetness turns bitter, for it is a place far removed and a person long gone.
How much should we look back? How much should we anticipate the future?
Time moves us on...all too quickly. So take it all in now. Embrace it. This moment. It might be a sweet memory needed in the bleak future, or it might be a painful one that causes you to move towards a hopeful horizon.

Psalm 16

"Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord,
"You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
I say of the godly who are in the land,
They are noble people in whom is all my delight.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord who counsels me.
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices,
my body will also rest secure, because You will not abandon me,
nor will you let your faithful one decay.
You make known to me the path of life.
You fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

I loved this Psalm...I loved the sense of peace and security it wrapped me in. I truly am God's child. He's got me. I love David, the Psalms are like candy for me. They give you a glimpse into this amazingly forgiving, compassionate, strong, faithful God. My favorite part is the fact that David's heart was close enough to God's that it could counsel David and be right. If only my heart could be this right on!
This Psalm speaks of inexplicable joy in God's presence, and also of utter peace we have knowing that we have a delightful, secure life because He's planned it. I cannot be shaken as long as I have Him at my right hand. I can trust God's promises.
How can one doubt the blessings of our Father?

Thoughts of Paige

Hurt Happens. Why? We open up, we close up. We react. Not always to real thoughts but to emotions. We react not to our minds but to our hearts. We try to block out what we know as fact. We close our eyes to the truth, the reality...because it’s harsh. Instead we focus on what is unreal, imaginary, our deepest hope. Hoping without reason the outcome will change. That our wishful thinking might come true. That it might actually change reality-- reality that tells us what we don’t want to hear, makes us aware of things we don’t want to see, and changes us into people we don’t want to be. What does hurt do? Does it change us for the better or the worse? Does it grow us or shrink us into the worse possible imitation of ourselves? Does it get us up on our feet or just tear us to the ground? Do we let it defeat us? Cause defeat is often the outcome... the outcome for those who have no imagination, no hope, and no understanding of what it truly means to listen to your heart. Defeat is a choice. A choice to get up without a smile. To cry instead of laugh. To hate instead of love. And to live in harsh reality not in hope. The hope that each day we get up it will be better than the last. Positivity can change you, and change can be for the best. But somehow we twist the good. Why? Because to many, good is imaginary and bad is reality. But for us who decide against negativity, bad is not bad at all, and good is in the heart. Even in the hearts of the hurting, the utterly broken. Why do we put our head in our hands and worry anyway? Hurt can not last forever. We worry that yet again our heart will break and when it does it will no longer be able to mend. But hearts are always mendable. They were made like that. They were made to be loved and broken. Healed and hurt. Its all a part of who we were made to be. We are all broken. We all get hurt. And we all hurt others. Its all about timing and waiting until eventually imagination finally becomes reality and that hope emotion does leak into action. Waiting until someone heals the hurt, mends the unmendable, and loves the most unlovable part of your inner closed-up soul...

broken cycle

questioning gets you nowhere does it. questions are left with no answers and no one to answer them. why is thinking so painful and learning such a process. why is fighting exhausting and at times seems so pointless. i guess its because it leaves you wondering if it was really worth fighting for. how do we tell when we are falling and holding on to a blind emotion. how do we know when it wont all be in vain. it wont come to nothing. it will instead have the outcome we are dreaming of, hoping for, fighting for. aren’t we all just sick of the mundane? the let down. but still we let down. we settle. and when unhappiness inevitably comes, we wonder why. we all wish for the difference. the person that will make the difference. a time when change comes. when happiness doesn't rest in people or places. because people let you down. haven’t we learned that yet? they lie, bitch, gossip, judge...and thats just on a monday. but then comes another question i have to ask. why do we end up doing the things we hate the most? we hate liars but how many times have we twisted truth. we hurt the ones we love the hardest. we give our time to people who don’t give it back. hand our hearts to those who end up breaking it. judge those who are judging us. hate those who have what we want. and wish to lash back at the person who latest lashed at us. then comes a cascading effect of one hurting person getting back at another. a line of broken people is the outcome. if only this process could somehow, some way stop sooner.

Just to Vent

Riding down to work with my mom today, I was listening to the ever popular Fish radio station. The news portion came on, amidst the endless commercials and outdated songs, and I was struck by what they chose to report. The two top stories were as follows: First,the inauguration of President Obama. Now this would seem very normal and applicable considering our 44th president was sworn in yesterday; however the speech, the crowd, or the changes to take place in America were not brought up at all. Rather, the news report was entirely about what his wife had been wearing. Apparently the first lady's fashion choice is top notch. I can't say so much for the Fish Family News. Is this honestly what we are focusing on? Out of all the other angles the story could have had, they really chose that one? If this was the top story, what could possibly follow. Well, the second story of the morning had to do with last night's show of... what else but American Idol. What is the obsession with this show? Do we really need to devote so much time to discussing what Simon and Paula said about the weird guy with the black hair and good voice? It seems to only promote America's undying love affair with fame and fortune. This whole newscast made me think about a little something I like to call priorities. And also too much regard for appearances. Caring about the shallow things will get you nowhere in this world, trust me.

Lamentations 3:19-33

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him, it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for people to bear the yoke while they are young. Let them sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on them. Let them bury their faces in the dust. There might yet be hope. Let them offer their cheeks to those who strike them.
For people are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being."

How to Love

" I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what i can and, though you remain a mystery, what I find of you, I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has bestowed Himself in me. I will do this to my death. I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. And tomorrow I will do it again. God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together we will learn to love, and perhaps then, understand this gravity that drew Him unto us."
-by Donald Miller

A person who is obsessed with Jesus...

"-Is raw with God. She does not attempt to mask the ugliness of her sins or her failures. An obsessed person doesn't put it on for God; He is her safe place where she can be at peace.
-Has an intimate relationship with God. She is nourished by God's Word throughout the day because 40 minutes on Sunday is not enough, especially with the distractions of the week.
-Is more concerned with her character than with comfort. She knows that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances; it is a gift from God that must be chosen and cultivated.
-Knows that the best thing she can do is be faithful to her Savior in every aspect of her life and is continually saying "thank you" to God. She knows that there can never be intimacy if she is always trying to work to be worthy. She revels in her role as child and friend of God.
-Thinks about heaven frequently and orients her life around eternity, not just what is there in front of her
-Is known as a giver, not a taker. She genuinely thinks that others matter as much as she does and is aware of those around the world.
-Is more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected
-Knows that pride is always a battle and that she can never be humble enough. She seeks to make herself less known and Christ more known.
-Does not consider service a burden, but a joy to love God by loving His people"

By Francis Chan in Crazy Love

The Blue Castle Quotes

"Don't forget, Moonlight, that there are different kinds of beauty"

"I've been keeping up appearances all my life. Now I'm going in for realities. Appearances can go hang! Go hang!"

"There is no such thing as freedom on earth," he said, "only different kinds of bondage. You think you are free now because you've escaped from a particularly unbearable kind of bondage. But are you? You love me. That's a bondage."

"Life was no longer empty and future and death could cheat her of nothing. Love had cast out her last fear."

Tahoe Pics

The Heart Overflowing

Each heart secretly waits and yearns
For something or someone for which to burn
To be alive, to beat, to feel, to love
To find peaceful rest at the set of the sun
Yet the heart is so fragile; it tends to be weak
It opens a bit then closes in the very next beat
The heart struggles to trust and to open its door
For fear that the world will dash its hopes & dreams to the floor

It seems that as it finally starts to open up
Something happens that causes hurt and distrust
How can we lose the doubt, the hurt, the fear
And believe that someone will desire to have us near
Near enough to know the intricacies of that heart
Near enough to draw it out and consider it set apart

So our hearts lie waiting...waiting
For someone to grab it and persist in making
It into something alive and beautiful
To realize its precious, lovable, not dull
But who will undertake an act so long & hard
For everyone's hearts are injured by life so far
Is there anyone who knows its worth the work
Who will tenderly push aside any residue of dirt

Then God gently steps in with a cure
He fills us with His love so good and pure
We become cleansed, renewed, and freed of tears
His love gives us the patience to open up with no fear
He whispers in our ear that He knows all our desires
That He loves us forever and will help us acquire
Someone who will love us with a heart similar to His
Someone's who's a mirror of God's love, which is never amiss

So the heart can stop waiting- it's filled with love
It's become alive with God's unfailing touch
We get renewed so we can take on this life
Which can cause so much hurt, bitterness, and strife
When we fail to love well, as we so often do
Its our own broken hearts not letting true love shine through
We can only realize that all we need is God's love;
He holds our heart in His palm as we slowly learn to trust.

It doesn't matter who your great great grandpa is

I went to a very bad concert last night, in all my short life I've never had an experience quite like it. For chapel credit, we could go to this concert. The guy is the great great (great?) grandson of one of the founders of Biola, R.A. Torrey. Yes, and he's also the founder of the infamous and slightly ridiculed Torrey program. So Thomas Torrey (yes that was the grandson's name) was singing at this concert. He gets up on stage and mumbles something into the mic, which I doubt anyone could understand. Partly because he talked too fast and partly because his mic volume was turned down way too low. Then he starts to sing, and again we couldn't understand a word. It just sounded like random moaning. The poor guy looked in pain, and slightly scared. He kept his eyes squeezed shut tight the whole time with his face frozen in a sort of grimace. He could have been worshipping, but how could anyone tell if it was a worship song? He had a paper with the lyrics taped on his microphone stand and he didn't move from one spot the entire time. He hopped from song to song without any sort of intro or break between song, which didn't really matter because they all sounded surprisingly similar. His guitar playing was off from his base player's rhythm and the drummer was a bit behind, I'm thinking it might have something to do with the bad sound job. It was entertaining... but not in the way it was meant to be I'm guessing. All this to say that:
A) it's probably best to hear the guy before you ask him to come sing in front of hundreds of people. B) good sound people are invaluable. C) stage presence is essential. D) It's a good idea to learn your own lyrics E) it's not always the best when all the songs sound the same. F) Just because you have a famous great great great great great granddaddy doesn't mean you've got the famous genes.

Vision

10 doctrines in 10 hours... all in one fun filled weekend called the Torrey Theology Conference. Not the best way to spend your Saturday, in my opinion. But then again, I think God has a sense of humor. He takes those things I don't want to do, rubs my attitude in my face and says, "here callie, learn something." So I walked in with a yawn and slumped down in a chair. The first speaker walked up and put a hymn up on the screen, asked us to stand and we started singing. I went through all the verses in a sort of daze and sat down. A hush fell over the room and we all waited expectantly for the first boring theology lecture. "Why do we sing that?" he asked quietly. As people started answering with things about focus and worship, I started to think about it. Why did I sing that hymn? What did the words really mean? I mean, the song is ancient and oddly phrased, how can I get anything from it? The answer to that didn't come and I became oddly discomforted. I started to listen to what the speaker was saying. He was talking about our need to have theology in the church. Throughout the years, theology has become something only for pastors-to-be, or wanna-be-doctorate students. I went back to thinking about the hymn. It was written hundreds of years ago, sometime in the 3rd century. It was penned in a time when all the doctrines of the church were still up in the air. The church fathers were still having counsels trying to solidify exactly what they believed. Ideas about Christ as both man and God and the concepts of the Trinity were absolutely fascinating to them. They spent their entire lives searching the scriptures for insights into the being of God. When most of these hymns were written, they were written full of rich theology. In an age where the newcoming "emergent church" says all that matters is if you "love Jesus", we have come far from knowing how to do just that. Without knowing who He is, or learning His heart, how can we love Him? And God is a consistent God, He is the same now as he was when the church fathers were writing down our concrete church doctrines. I just don't delve deep enough into knowing Him. . . I know I definitely don't take the time to pick apart the Bible and its ideas like they did. I tend to leave that for the pastors. But, I realized while sitting in that conference that though you can obviously know God and draw close to Him without going all theological, it plays a bigger role than I used to think. Maybe hymns aren't so bad either.
So from now on I plan to take a look at some of the hymns I sing. They say a lot more than you'd think, if you look past the old language and the plodding tunes. Theology conferences, or any other study of God and His doctrines, isn't that bad either I've discovered. I learned a ton that weekend. It's more complex than it was in sunday school, but that's the beauty of the Bible! It's simple enough for children, yet it never becomes unnecessary or completely figured out.

Oh and the hymn that caused this long train of thought was "Be Thou My Vision":

"Be Thou my vision Oh Lord of My heart. Naught be all else to me save that Thou art. Thou my best thought, by day or by night. Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light. Be Thou my Wisdom and Thou my true Word. I ever with Thee and thou with me Lord. Thou my great Father and I thy true son. Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one. Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight, be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight. Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower. Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power. Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art. High King of heaven, my victory won, may I reach heaven's joys, O bright heavens Son! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O ruler of all."

Ode to Choir

Women's chorus is a most interesting environment. We are led by one Mrs. Ramsey a tiny woman of about 45. Interestingly enough, she is not the typical choir conductor. Most musical people are a bit on the Mrs. Robinson side: creative, artsy, scatterbrained, outgoing, and slightly psycho. In contrast, Mrs. Ramsey is a perfectionist concerned with every little detail. She's paranoid about getting sick. Any girl that comes in coughing she forces them to sit on the far side of the room. One day she had a bit of a cold and she wouldn't talk the whole choir period in order to preserve her voice. We had an entertaining time trying to understand all the funny hand motions. I would have talked! Not talking for hours on end sounds like some sort of cruel and unusual punishment. I can go about 3 1/2 minutes tops without blurting something. But she's very dedicated. In fact her husband was in ICU for a heart attack on Sunday morning when we performed for a church. . . and she came! Wow.
Oh and another huge WOW for Mr. Wills, our accompanist, who is arguably one of the best pianists in the world. Ok well at least the best one I've ever seen. Doesn't Mr. Wills sound like someone from a kids show on PBS? like Mr. Rogers the sequel or something. Maybe you have to see him to understand what I mean. Anyways. He can sight-read anything put in front of him, but he ad libs all sorts of cool parts to our songs. One piece was written for four hands and ya, he does it all himself. Oh! He can play any song perfectly at the spur of the moment. I'm serious! Just say "Aladdin" or "Phantom" or "The Entertainer" and away he goes. His jazz music is incredible. There's a mini ode for Mr. Wills.
As for the girls, with whom I spend 4 whole hours a week, they are an...interesting group. At an extra rehearsal on one beautiful Saturday afternoon, all us girls were eating lunch. We happened to be chatting about movies that made us cry. A Walk to Remember. The Notebook. When suddenly...wait pause.
First, I have to tell you about Carrie. Carrie is the dear girl who sits next to me in choir. She scooters into class every day and never fails to make me smile. She is small (she looks only about 9th grade) and one of those extremely eccentric-spacy-but oddly cute girls. She takes copious notes all over her music. If Mrs. Ramsey says a certain note is "G", she writes "G" on the note. She has no idea what a G is, but if Mrs. Ramsey said it, it must be true. She has marks covering every inch of white on the music. She also loves to make up her own parts, so I hear many Carrie solos throughout the class. Ok play.
So us girls were getting worked up about how sad the Lion King is. Really though, when Mufasshah dies, it's heart breaking. We were rehashing the moving scene when suddenly Carrie clued into the conversation. She suddenly spouts out, "I cried when my boyfriend broke up with me." Um...awkward silence. Not expecting that. She had such an adorable, sad, spacy look on her face that one of the girls finally smiled and said, "Well...ya...that happens." I had to laugh (later of course).
Oh here's another spacy choir moment. We were sitting in class and Mrs. Ramsey couldn't find the measure she wanted because her eyes were too bad. "That's what happens when you get to an old age like me" she comments. "65!" a girl from the front row, Emily, called out.A hush fell over the room. A horrified look crossed Mrs. Ramsey's face. "I'm not 65," she said slowly. Emily looked confused and then corrected herself, "No, no. You're looking for measure 65 right here. I found it." A huge collective sigh of relief, as all the other choir girls let out their held breath. Everyone really thought Emily was aging Mrs. Ramsey by 20 years. Not always a smart idea.
Well that is my lovable choir. They love to sing "shark attack" over and over. They love to talk about hot guy composers as if they were movie stars. I can't help but love them:) So here is my ode to my choir.

Pet Peeves

I couldn't sleep last night. I just was laying awake let my mind spin round in circles. A list started forming of all the things in life I hate. I feel like I need to vent about this somewhere, so here you go. I hate the feeling of long toe nails...ew gross...especially on my legs. I hate when someone litters in a pretty place (ya paige that means you!) I hate it when someone with a horrible voice sings really loud because they think they're really good (sorry american idol, but the first weeks of your show are awful!). I hate it when there's hair stuck in a hair brush (considering it's a hair brush I should probably let it go, but still it bothers me). I hate it when people put cold hands on my warm body, sucking all the heat like cold hands of death! I hate when the same commercials play a bunch of times in a row when watching a show. I just hate commercials (but who doesn't!). I hate it when there's patchy wireless internet. I hate it when you think someone's smiling at you, so you smile back but then realize they're looking past you (but of course that never happens to me). I hate it when I get in the shower and there's no hot water. Or when someone's borrowed my shampoo and I'm just stuck there and don't want to get back out in the cold to hunt down to kill the sister that stole my shampoo. I hate it when I lose one earring. I hate breakups--seeing one or being in one-- it all sucks (duh!). I hate the smell of palmolive dish soap. I don't really love all that many chick flicks ( I did not go so far as to say hate though, but they do bug me sometimes.) I hate it when girls and guys are so categorized and relationships are so stereotpyicalized (not a word I know) that good healthy examples of relationships are hard to find. I hate drying dishes but I'll wash any day. I hate it that TV shows make a mockery of marriage (as funny as Everybody Loves Raymond is, I am not one of the everybody that loves Ray). Screamo music is not really music. I hate dirty bathrooms (but honestly how can anyone like dirty anything?). I hate choir dresses, it's like wearing a tent. I hate it when my phone goes dead in the middle of a conversation. I hate it when someone leaves the milk out and it gets hot, ew. Skipping CD's and DVD's. I hate it when your watching a movie or reading a book and the main character does something totally socially awkward and you want to just yell "stop!" or" don't say that!" or "he's right behind you!". But of course they never stop and your opinion of the protagonist goes way way down. I hate dirty rugs. But then again I don't like vacuuming (it's so very noisy)...there's a bit of a conundrum.
So if you couldn't tell I was up a long time. And I sound a bit like a debbie downer! I do promise there's way more ups in life than downs, especially with the right perspective. But I fell asleep (lucky for you) before I got to the things that aren't pet peeves. What's the opposite of a pet peeve anyways???

Books on Faith Removed from Prisons

“It’s swatting a fly with a sledgehammer,” said Mark Earsley in September tenth’s New York Times. Earsley is the president of the Christian group, Prison Ministries. In prisons across America, chaplains have been told to clear out religious books. The books in the chapels and libraries of prisons must be on an “approved list” from the Bureau of Prisons. What do they hope to accomplish by blocking access to the thousands of religious books? Traci Billingsley, a spokesperson for the Bureau, said in the New York Times that “the agency was acting in response to a 2004 report by the Justice Department. The report recommended steps to take to avoid prisons becoming recruiting grounds for militant Islamic and other religious groups since the September 11 attacks. They are barring access to materials that could “discriminate, disparage, advocate violence, or radicalize.” Apparently only religious books fit the bill. Chaplains, religious groups, and prisoners alike are not happy with this change. “There’s no need to get rid of literally hundred of thousands of books simply because you have a problem with an isolated book or piece of literature that presents extremism.” Mark Earsley quotes again in the Times. Even the general public is in a quandary, a poll was taken on about.com, and over 85% said this reaction to the books was too extreme. Thousands of the old collected books are being tossed; only 150 books on each religion are allowed. "The set of books that have been taken out have been ones that we used to minister to new converts when they come in here," Christian inmate John Okon told a judge last week, according to Christianity Today. “Okon, along with inmates Moshe Milstein and Douglas Kelly, are asking the court to order the titles returned to the prison chapel library.”
Most people argue for their civil rights, yet I agree that anything to curb terrorism in this country should be done. However, this can be done with a fly-swatter, not a hammer. It seems overkill to limit books that are known for their solid teachings on love, forgiveness, compassion, hope, and joy. These things would help, not hinder, prisoners. Peaceful books should be encouraged, not dismantled. What about even fiction books or movies that are full of violence that have completely infiltrated our culture? Why not work to remove books and other media that actually contain violence, not just limit them to religious books? Many religious books have proven a help to social problems, and many turn from the teachings of violence and terrorism. If we are trying to stop violence and terrorism, we should not be removing most religious books. Most religions, such as Christianity, Catholicism, Judaism, and Mormonism do not advocate violence in any way. In fact, it is strongly discouraged. I doubt Billy Graham or the pope condone terrorism. Many of the books now being taken off prison shelves teach values and morals that could bring light into many lives. So, it seems the sledgehammer is swinging hard, cracking away at a source of hope and renewal in our prisons.

Crime: Saggy Pants

You are sitting at home, watching the afternoon news, dozing off slightly. Suddenly, the phone jangles noisily and you jolt up and shake yourself awake. “Hello?” you say groggily into the receiver. A few seconds later, “Excuse me? Who is in jail?”
“You’re son, ma’am. Please bring at a minimum of 150 dollars with you to pay the fine.” The officer says.
“Jacob is in jail?” you ask incredulously. “What did he do?”... “His pants were sagging?”
What is our world coming to when lawmakers spend their days discussing hip-hop fashion? Sagging pants have become a criminal offense in the town of Mansfield, Louisiana. The New York Times quotes, “pants warn low enough to expose underwear poses a threat to the public and they (Mansfield’s legislature) have enacted indecency ordinances to stop it.” The newspaper goes on to talk about the reasoning behind this. “Critics say this style is warn as a badge of delinquency, with its distinctive walk conveying a thuggish swagger and a disrespect for authority.” So, the question is, is this law invoked for indecency reasons or to attempt to put a stop to this “thuggish delinquency”? According to Andrew Bolton, the curator at the Costume Institute of Metropolitan Museum of Art, “fashions tend to be decried when they challenge the conservative morality of a society.” Yet many people argue for personal freedoms and self expression. This movement is reminiscent of the reaction to the zoot suits in the 1940’s. Latino males distinguished themselves with "zoot suits" - wide-brimmed hats, broad-shouldered long coats, high-waisted peg-legged trousers and long dangling chains. This dress was associated with gangs. Eventually a riot broke out in Los Angeles between the “zoot suiters” and the American sailors due to racial problems. "The zoot suit had become a badge of hoodlumism," explained Councilman Norris Nelson in the L.A. almanac. A similar instance took place in Alaska. Mindy Gobler, a friend, told me they encountered this on her recent cruise. A dock in Ketchikan made high heels off limit in an effort to stop prostitution on the pier.
To me, the idea that wearing saggy pants makes you a disrespectful thug, or high heels makes you a hooker, is a very broad generalization. Clothing does not always define the person. If the zoot suit was a “badge of hoodlumism” and the saggy pants are a “badge of delinquency”, then does wearing girl scout badge make me a girl scout? The suit, the pants, the shoes all represent something else- problems with gangs, racism, or prostitution. First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt commented about the Zoot Suit Riots, "The question goes deeper than just zoot suits. It is a racial protest.” (L.A. Almanac) Why are we not focusing on the actual crimes that the sagging pants seem to embody ... focus on the real thug, not one who has the appearance of it. Does a girl wearing a low cut shirt get arrested for being a prostitute? Do rappers in music videos get fined for indecency? We have moved away from simply the issue of indecency. Discrepancies in modesty occur everywhere you look. The heart of the matter is this, a gang will still exist with or without baggy pants. The girl will still be a prostitute with or without the high heels. We are only doing away with the appearance of evil, instead of the problem itself.