Relentless Love

"God cast a man and a woman out of Paradise. Yet, for all their human flaws and failures, God shows them a way back in:
Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against darkness. And always love. That's the way back into Eden. That's the way into life." -Francine River's "Redeeming Love"

I was re-reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It's a retelling of the Hosea story. Most girls love her book because it's a tender, beautiful love story. It's about the unconditional love a man has for his wife. She is a hardened, battered woman who was forced into prostitution at the age of 8. Just as in the Bible story, the Lord told Michael to marry and woo Angel. With incredible tenderness, he breaks down the walls she's built over the years of unimaginable abuse. He teaches her how to love, to feel clean, and how to forget her troubled past. He loves her as though she is the most precious, lovely woman in the entire world. When she runs away, turns her back on Michael, and chooses to be a prostitute again, he doesn't give up on her. Instead, he pursues her, forgives her, and loves her just the same.
What many readers don't see is that while the book is a beautiful story of a husband and wife, no man will be that perfect. No, the story is a metaphor for how Christ loves us. No matter how dirty we are, no matter how often we turn our backs on Him, no matter how much we decline His love, He still gives it freely. Now that is a stunning, tender love story. No matter what other loves we pursue, His voice whispers, "Beloved, come back to me". With a love like that, how can we not pour our own meager love out onto others?
Love is how we make it in this world. The Lord relentlessly loves, pursues, and forgives us. And we in turn should love others in the same manner. Love is the most beautiful thing there is.

Hosea 2:13-16
She decked herself with rings and jewelry,
and went after her lovers,
but me she forgot,"
declares the LORD.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master. '

Change in the Winds

I sit here, in my empty dorm room. Honestly, it's incredibly depressing. My heart aches. I'm sad to leave here. The bare mattress, the empty book shelves, the scrubbed counters. So many memories dance through this small space. My dearest friends have come and gone through this door. I've cried countless nights on this bed, but I've also had valuable girl talk curled up on this blanket. I've had dance parties on this carpet. I've pulled all nighters at this desk. I comforted, I listened, I complained, I broke, I healed, I laughed, I stressed...I grew. All in this room.
You can't stop change. It creeps upon you, shoving you forward into that scary unknown. I hate the black abyss we call the future. I try to imagine it, decipher it, figure it out. But it remains allusive, often shocking me with its surprises. I hate moving on. I cling, holding on tightly to what is familiar, what is secure, what is lovable.
Tomorrow I am leaving friends nearest and dearest to my heart. What will have changed when I return to them? How will we have grown up even more? My heart aches at the thought of leaving them, and of leaving this particular time in my life.
You can't stop change. There is a season for everything in this life, or so Ecclesiastes says. But what if you like the current season? How can you tell change to "hold it right there, don't come any closer". Yes, the future may be bright and beautiful, but it is different. This time in my life: the hairbrained, overwhelmed with figuring myself out, crazy 12 units of Torrey with my Plato family, living in nerdy Sigma with my roomie, feeling like an underclassman...that time in life is now over.
To be content in any situation...ah, how often I fail. But sometimes, contentment finds you. And in that moment, you count all your blessings and you find yourself incredibly grateful. So, even though I am sad to be moving forward in life, I am so thankful. I am thankful for the loving and growing I've done with my dear ones, even just within these walls. I am thankful for my moment of contentment, of being filled up with marvelous blessings.
I wish I could face the future and say bravely "bring on the change! I'm ready". But I'm not always that brave. I am, however, sure of a few things: memories are beautiful, friends are always beloved, and God loves to bless us with contentment if we just trust in Him, even during change.

Best Book Ever...My Blue Castle

Valancy looked--and looked--and looked again. There was a diaphanous, lilac mist on the lake, shrouding the island. Through it the two enormous pine-trees that clasped hands over Barney's shack loomed out like dark turrets. Behind them was a sky still rose-hued in the afterlight, and a pale young moon.

Valancy shivered like a tree the wind stirs suddenly. Something seemed to sweep over her soul.

"My Blue Castle!" she said. "Oh, my Blue Castle!"

They got into the canoe and paddled out to it. They left behind
the realm of everyday and things known and landed on a realm of
mystery and enchantment where anything might happen--anything might be true. Barney lifted Valancy out of the canoe and swung her to a lichen-covered rock under a young pine-tree. His arms were about her and suddenly his lips were on hers. Valancy found herself shivering with the rapture of her first kiss.

"Welcome home, dear," Barney was saying.

The Snow is Not Forever

In the stillness
Snow falls silently
The ground is white
Pure white
The cold bites
Stinging cheeks red
There is nothing
All around is empty
Just blank space
Flurries of white
Against a gray sky
And more silence
The hush of snowfall
You are all alone

But close your eyes
See white blossoms
Softly spiral
A dress of white
Pure white
A pink blush
Stains the cheek
There's smiling eyes
And faces all around
Petals dot the ground
As you walk
Airily to him
And you'll never
Be alone again.

P.S.

So I had finished writing the below post and the next day I came across this verse...I couldn't believe my eyes...
"This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16
So amazingly perfect for what I've been feeling!

Crossroad

She stands at a crossroad. Alone. At this point in the road, the straight, level path splits into two separate ways. Both paths wind out of her view, shadowed deeply by the overcast of the towering trees. Her small frame shivers slightly in the breeze that sweeps through the forest. She is acutely aware of the pebbles pressing into the soles of her sandals, urging her to move. 5 toes point to the left, while the other foot is angled towards the right. 2 paths. Which to take? The leaves rustle impatiently. The woods are hushed, she hears loudly the unsteady intake of her own breath. Still, she is rooted to the dirt path.
Until this point, her way had been straight...predictable...sunlit. She had danced, laughed and twirled through the flowered meadows. But no more. Now, here she stands, a single dark silhouette, halted at the crossroad.
Darkness approaches. Crickets chirp, filling the silence, but clouding her head with noise. She remains frozen. The gray twilight deepens and neither path looks appealing in the dusk. She tilts her chin up, searching the sky amidst the tangled web of trees. No stars can be seen. No light to guide her.
It is deeply dark, with only hints of moonlight spotting the ground. Still no decision. Craning her neck, she peers down each path, longing desperately for just one sign post to mark the way. To choose the wrong way would mean hours of back tracking or becoming utterly lost in a haunted forest.
The wind picks up, spinning dead leaves around her ankles, whistling eerily in her ear. Choose. She must choose. The chilling cold, the oppressive dark, the movement of scampering animals...all pressure her to move. Move.
But sill, she waits, weighing the decision. Hour after hour she stands, her feet not daring to move an inch. Fear causes her heart to pulsate erratically and more than once she tastes the saltiness of tears streaking down her face. She stays alert. Hour after hour. The black night slowly, painstakingly turns to navy, from navy to gray, from gray to silver, and finally from silver to gold.
Still, she waits. Birds sing deep in the branches. The high trill makes her lift her eyes from the ground for the first time in hours. Mellow sunlight filters through the forest, illuminating the two paths again. She sighs, a deep, heart-wrenching heave that expels all the air from her body. Still, she has no idea. It seems she has stood at that crossroad for an eternity.
It is time for a choice. Left or right? Then...drifting delicately through the forest, she hears the lilting, airy melody of an instrument...perhaps a flute. She does not know its origin, but its refrain puts her heart at instant peace. A smile tilts the sides of her mouth. The sound creates an energy that flows through her body. Her waiting is over. Following the music, she slowly lifts up her foot, leaving behind in the crossroad a small footprint deep in the dirt.

Spiritual Gifts

1. Mercy (11 pts)
2. Encourage (10 pts)
3. Missions, Hospitality, Faith (9 pts)
4. Service (8 pts)
5 Wisdom, Help/Administration (7 pts)
6. Teaching, Pastoring, Leading, Knowledge (5 pts)
7. Evangelize (4 pts)
8. Discerning Spirits (3 pts)
9. Celibacy (0 pts) ha ha

Father, when do I fight
When do I stay still
Do I jump forward
Or wait for you to fulfill
Lord, I am so weak
And I'm feeling lost
Life is up and down
By winds & waves I'm tossed
I trust in your wisdom
I listen for your voice
But what must I do
Why must I make this choice?
Father, hold my hand
Draw near to me I pray
I know that if I call to you
My fears and doubts you'll take

Psalms...

"Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain."

"My soul melts away with sorrow, strengthen me according to your word."

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word."

"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life."

"The lord is my portion; I promise to keep your words. I entreat your favor with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise."

"The Lord will keep you from all evil, he will keep your life, The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in, from this time forth and forevermore."

"I am yours, save me, for I have kept your precepts."

"Hear my voice, according to your steadfast love."

"The Lord is your keeper, the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day nor the moon by night."

"Oh Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not too high. I do not occupy myself with things to great and marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore."

"The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you O Lord have not forsaken those who seek you."

"Indeed none who wait for You will be put to shame."

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and He will act. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Fret not yourself"

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky. Yes, the Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase. Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way."

"I desire to do your will, O my God. Your law is within my heart."

"Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, that he may deliver their soul from death and keep him alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust his holy name. Let your steadfast love, Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

"Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings."

I am a tree...

"For there is hope for a tree, if it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grows old in the earth and its stump dies in the hard soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out new branches like a young plant." -Job 14:7-8.

I yearn for water.