Thoughts of Paige

Hurt Happens. Why? We open up, we close up. We react. Not always to real thoughts but to emotions. We react not to our minds but to our hearts. We try to block out what we know as fact. We close our eyes to the truth, the reality...because it’s harsh. Instead we focus on what is unreal, imaginary, our deepest hope. Hoping without reason the outcome will change. That our wishful thinking might come true. That it might actually change reality-- reality that tells us what we don’t want to hear, makes us aware of things we don’t want to see, and changes us into people we don’t want to be. What does hurt do? Does it change us for the better or the worse? Does it grow us or shrink us into the worse possible imitation of ourselves? Does it get us up on our feet or just tear us to the ground? Do we let it defeat us? Cause defeat is often the outcome... the outcome for those who have no imagination, no hope, and no understanding of what it truly means to listen to your heart. Defeat is a choice. A choice to get up without a smile. To cry instead of laugh. To hate instead of love. And to live in harsh reality not in hope. The hope that each day we get up it will be better than the last. Positivity can change you, and change can be for the best. But somehow we twist the good. Why? Because to many, good is imaginary and bad is reality. But for us who decide against negativity, bad is not bad at all, and good is in the heart. Even in the hearts of the hurting, the utterly broken. Why do we put our head in our hands and worry anyway? Hurt can not last forever. We worry that yet again our heart will break and when it does it will no longer be able to mend. But hearts are always mendable. They were made like that. They were made to be loved and broken. Healed and hurt. Its all a part of who we were made to be. We are all broken. We all get hurt. And we all hurt others. Its all about timing and waiting until eventually imagination finally becomes reality and that hope emotion does leak into action. Waiting until someone heals the hurt, mends the unmendable, and loves the most unlovable part of your inner closed-up soul...

broken cycle

questioning gets you nowhere does it. questions are left with no answers and no one to answer them. why is thinking so painful and learning such a process. why is fighting exhausting and at times seems so pointless. i guess its because it leaves you wondering if it was really worth fighting for. how do we tell when we are falling and holding on to a blind emotion. how do we know when it wont all be in vain. it wont come to nothing. it will instead have the outcome we are dreaming of, hoping for, fighting for. aren’t we all just sick of the mundane? the let down. but still we let down. we settle. and when unhappiness inevitably comes, we wonder why. we all wish for the difference. the person that will make the difference. a time when change comes. when happiness doesn't rest in people or places. because people let you down. haven’t we learned that yet? they lie, bitch, gossip, judge...and thats just on a monday. but then comes another question i have to ask. why do we end up doing the things we hate the most? we hate liars but how many times have we twisted truth. we hurt the ones we love the hardest. we give our time to people who don’t give it back. hand our hearts to those who end up breaking it. judge those who are judging us. hate those who have what we want. and wish to lash back at the person who latest lashed at us. then comes a cascading effect of one hurting person getting back at another. a line of broken people is the outcome. if only this process could somehow, some way stop sooner.

Just to Vent

Riding down to work with my mom today, I was listening to the ever popular Fish radio station. The news portion came on, amidst the endless commercials and outdated songs, and I was struck by what they chose to report. The two top stories were as follows: First,the inauguration of President Obama. Now this would seem very normal and applicable considering our 44th president was sworn in yesterday; however the speech, the crowd, or the changes to take place in America were not brought up at all. Rather, the news report was entirely about what his wife had been wearing. Apparently the first lady's fashion choice is top notch. I can't say so much for the Fish Family News. Is this honestly what we are focusing on? Out of all the other angles the story could have had, they really chose that one? If this was the top story, what could possibly follow. Well, the second story of the morning had to do with last night's show of... what else but American Idol. What is the obsession with this show? Do we really need to devote so much time to discussing what Simon and Paula said about the weird guy with the black hair and good voice? It seems to only promote America's undying love affair with fame and fortune. This whole newscast made me think about a little something I like to call priorities. And also too much regard for appearances. Caring about the shallow things will get you nowhere in this world, trust me.

Lamentations 3:19-33

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him, it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for people to bear the yoke while they are young. Let them sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on them. Let them bury their faces in the dust. There might yet be hope. Let them offer their cheeks to those who strike them.
For people are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being."

How to Love

" I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what i can and, though you remain a mystery, what I find of you, I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has bestowed Himself in me. I will do this to my death. I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. And tomorrow I will do it again. God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together we will learn to love, and perhaps then, understand this gravity that drew Him unto us."
-by Donald Miller

A person who is obsessed with Jesus...

"-Is raw with God. She does not attempt to mask the ugliness of her sins or her failures. An obsessed person doesn't put it on for God; He is her safe place where she can be at peace.
-Has an intimate relationship with God. She is nourished by God's Word throughout the day because 40 minutes on Sunday is not enough, especially with the distractions of the week.
-Is more concerned with her character than with comfort. She knows that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances; it is a gift from God that must be chosen and cultivated.
-Knows that the best thing she can do is be faithful to her Savior in every aspect of her life and is continually saying "thank you" to God. She knows that there can never be intimacy if she is always trying to work to be worthy. She revels in her role as child and friend of God.
-Thinks about heaven frequently and orients her life around eternity, not just what is there in front of her
-Is known as a giver, not a taker. She genuinely thinks that others matter as much as she does and is aware of those around the world.
-Is more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected
-Knows that pride is always a battle and that she can never be humble enough. She seeks to make herself less known and Christ more known.
-Does not consider service a burden, but a joy to love God by loving His people"

By Francis Chan in Crazy Love

The Blue Castle Quotes

"Don't forget, Moonlight, that there are different kinds of beauty"

"I've been keeping up appearances all my life. Now I'm going in for realities. Appearances can go hang! Go hang!"

"There is no such thing as freedom on earth," he said, "only different kinds of bondage. You think you are free now because you've escaped from a particularly unbearable kind of bondage. But are you? You love me. That's a bondage."

"Life was no longer empty and future and death could cheat her of nothing. Love had cast out her last fear."