Nostalgia

Nostalgia: "a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations."

I've been thinking a lot about this concept lately. I have a natural sense of nostalgia, but for something that I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe the way to describe it is just by saying I have a constant sensation of longing. But for a place that I've never really been, and don't believe exists on earth.
I think we all have it. Some long for the south, the beach, the snow, the city, the mountains-- even if they've never seen them. For me, the place that most fulfilled my feelings of nostalgia was the Lake District in England. Driving up on the bus, I immediately felt like I was coming home–– except I'd never been here before. I took one look at the sleepy town, the orange and red hills, the sweeping views of the lake, and I began to tingle to my toes. I had to be out in it-- exploring, dancing, taking in every inch of it. How could I connect so intimately and fully to a place that two hours ago had only been a dot on a map?
I am a lover of beauty. It makes my soul ache in the deepest part of me, which is a weird way to describe it, I know. But it's the only way to phrase something this indescribable. Put me in the midst of nature and I am completely at peace. I love rolling hills, white picked fences, waterfalls, small stone bridges, orchards,streams, wildflowers, ivy, gray twilight, fall leaves... And yes, all these things can be found on earth. When I see these things, something in my soul rejoices. But what's strange is that even as I soak up earthly beauty, I still feel that nostalgia, that sense of sentiment–– as if these things are only reminding me of something better that I've enjoyed more.
So this got me thinking. It's so interesting that God has placed these longings within us. And I think it's because we are longing for small pieces of heaven. And while on earth, we can only capture fleeting glimpses of this perfect place. When I ache from experiencing something lovely here on earth, I must be nostalgic for heaven-- the place filled with all that's insanely beautiful and good. A place that will never leave me wanting more. And I must be headed there, because my soul is nostalgic for it every day.

Weary World

I'm weary of this world today,
There's no balance to be found.
I'm weary of this place today,
Only pain and fear abound

Everywhere I look there's hurt,
And sin wounds every heart.
Evil twists all that's good;
World falls deeper into dark

Instead of truth, beauty, sweetness
There's selfishness, pride, and malice
A gaping span between good and bad
How do I live in a world this callous?

(I'm told to be pure
In a sex-riddled world
I'm told to be hopeful
In a place damned to hell
I'm told to be kind
While torn apart inside
I'm told to be a servant
But will it be worth it
I'm told to just love
But I've found I can't trust
I'm told to have faith
But it's such a long wait).

But then in the chaos,
Amidst all the noise,
Comes a sweet whisper,
A strong and gentle voice:

'Breathe my fragrant peace'
I hear His tender call:
'Walk with me till morning
I won't ever let you fall...

'Rest in fields of flowers,
Find refuge in my strength,
Love me with all your heart,
I won't ever cause you pain...

'I'll draw near to you and be
A shepherd in your need.
You'll walk along still waters,
If you'll follow, I will lead...

'You're weary of this world today,
But I'm the One who saves.
You're weary of this time, I know,
But, beloved girl, just wait."

At His voice, the white noise stilled,
All pain was washed away.
Chains were loosed; I was free,
I found that I could pray:

'While I toil here on earth,
May I bring a smile to Your face
Wrap me in Your arms, God
For I'm weary of this place.'

Emily Dickinson wrote, “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.”

"All that is good, all that is true, all that is beautiful, all that is beneficent, be it great or small, be it perfect or fragmentary, natural as well as supernatural, moral as well as material, comes from Him."
-John Henry Newman (from "The Idea of a University")

I saw this as a kind of a partial response to my last post...

Food for Thought

The following article was written by atheist by Penn Jillette, an academic, lecturer, writer, and comedian. This was posted by him on NPR's blog. I found it fascinating and have been mulling over it ever since...
As a Christian, do I fall into some of these stereotypes that he mentions? How would I respond to the argument he is proposing? Do I fall into a judgemental bubble? Do I still have fun? Can I still learn and grow? Do I ostracize myself? Do I just stick to rigid rules of thought for no good reason? Why do I believe what I believe? How do I defend myself in the face of such persuasive arguments for the contrary? I know that my faith is real, but do I allow myself to be honest and human at the same time? Why do Christians have such a hard time being genuine?
Read it. Think.

"I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire?

So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at this searching stage. The atheism part is easy.

But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no God."

Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.

Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, "I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith." That's just a long-winded religious way to say, "shut up," or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, "How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do." So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have."

Shantih: A peace that passes all understanding.

A Wish

Dandelion chains
Dangled and tied
Delicate flowers
Knotted and white

Close your eyes
Whisper a wish
Watch them wisp
Away in the wind

"Do what you want and say what you feel because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind."
--Dr. Seuss