Sunday, September 23, 2012

From "Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis

“The event of falling in love is of such a nature that we are right to reject as intolerable the idea that it
should be transitory. In one high bound it has overleaped the massive of our selfhood; it has made appetite itself altruistic, tossed personal happiness aside as a triviality and planted the interests of another in the centre of our being. Spontaneously and without effort we have fulfilled the law (towards one person) by loving our neighbour as ourselves. It is an image, a foretaste, of what we must become to all if Love Himself rules in us without a rival. It is even (well used) a preparation for that.”

* * *
“You can’t go on “seeing through” things forever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. To “see through” all things is the same as not to see.”

* * *
"In God there is no hunger that needs to be filled, only plenteousness that desires to give.”
Norah Jones - Forever Young (live)

Loved this cover of such a good Dylan song. Makes me think of dancing with my dad in the living room, and of growing up, and of giggling with my sisters, and of sitting around a table with good food and with my family. If I get married one day, I'd like to dance with my dad to this song.

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Prayer of the Summer

"Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness  come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you.The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago;  I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,  for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will,  for you are my God;  may your good Spirit  lead me on level ground." Psalm 143

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Normalcy

Before leaving for my year in England, I thought a lot about the fact that I am getting older, and yet still don't quite know how to prepare myself for the unexpected, the unknowable. In some ways, I hold on to a childish idea of normalcy; I cling to what is comfortable. But as I continue to grow up (despite my efforts to find Neverland), I am slowly and surely realizing that there is no "normal" to return to. Life in its seasons changes everything. There is no longer a status quo. For so many years, we have set paths to follow–– you play the role of student from elementary through college. You have set notions of how to be a good daughter, sister, friend (mostly formed from watching adults and sometimes sitcoms). And you have set dreams –– the same ones you've been dreaming since childhood. For me, it's the quaint picket fence and babies and gardening on Saturday afternoons. But when you move into adulthood, there are setbacks, failures, pain and complexities. You find yourself thinking "I just want to get back to normal." But, the thing is, you're never the same once you get through that move, that fight, that difficult class, that heart break. And in many ways, you're glad you're not the same. Yes, some of the childish optimism might be gone, but in its place, perhaps you'll find strength or perspective or richer faith.  But what was "normal" previously sometimes won't fit as comfortably as it once did. And that new reality is difficult for me to come to terms with. I like my set ideas, my set dreams, my set paths. I don't enjoy being uncomfortable, and who isn't scared a little of the unknown? But because life in its seasons, in its complexities, in its failures & triumphs has changed me, I am forced to move on –– to become more and more comfortable with having no control, no set role or view of reality, and to accept a shifting definition of what is"normal."

Thank goodness for a God who is the one unchanging and constant force in life.

Being Miss Miller

I absolutely loved my summer classes. Being a teacher never ceases to catch you off guard and make you smile. Here are some of my favorite moments from this summer:

Kaitlyn (2nd grader with big, blue earnest eyes): Miss Miller, would you like to know where fairies come from? They are butterflies! Butterflies are fairies dressed up. But guess what? You can't catch them and leave them in your room overnight. That's a bad idea.
Me: Really? How come?
Kaitlyn: They will turn into trolls and make your room all messy. (She was dead serious.)

* * *

Me (directed at two boys who started wrestling on the grass at break time): Boys, that's not the best idea to be wrestling right now. Someone will get hurt.
Daevey (3rd grader): But Miss Miller, I'm teaching Diego some ninja moves. I'm going to be a ninja in a few years, but unfortunately, there is not a training facility near my house. So I haveta practice and I need to practice with Diego right now, okay? (He was dead serious.)

* * *

Nick (1st grader, during break): Would you like to eat a snack too, Miss Callie?
Me: Oh don't worry, I will eat lunch after class. Thank you, Nick.
Nick: But you might get hungry! *brings me 2 Dorito chips from his bag and lays them on my desk*
Me: Wow, thank you for sharing, that's so sweet of you!
I then proceeded to get 3 purple skittles from Corrine, a licorice piece from Ben and a handful of fishy crackers from Tanya, all spread out on my desk. Every week after that, the kids who brought snacks for break time shared bits with me. It was the cutest thing ever.

* * *
Elyse (pre-K, with delicate pink cheeks, a tiny upturned nose, and brown pixie haircut): You are my most favorite teacher ever! *threads her little arms through my legs and hugs tight.*
Granted, she was only 4 years old and had never had a real teacher,  but I still like that I get to be the favorite:)

Friday, September 7, 2012

Henry V

Earlier this summer, I drove up to Oregon for the renowned Ashland Shakespeare Festival. I went to help out at Biola's Shakespeare summer class. We stayed at an organic resort, up among trees and meadows and a river known all over the state for it's "healing powers." The couple who runs the resort are organic farmers who mill their own wood, raise their own chickens, and wear flannel with boots almost year round. This is the type of place that makes you feel one with nature, always want to recycle, sit in a pasture under effortless blue sky, eat healthy, be slow to speak, climb mountains with a walking stick, appreciate simplicities, listen for frogs, and drink lemon water all day long.

My job was to hang out with Professor Kleist's kids, who are smart and creative beyond belief. We danced in our socks in the prayer chapel, pretended we were dragons (mostly Hydras), built bridges across the river, tossed sticks for the 2 huge dogs living at the resort, explored trails, made forts in the bedroom, read books, made up stories (about dragons, of course) and popped popcorn with M&Ms every night.

And on my afternoons or nights off, I went to town for the Shakespeare plays. The town of Ashland is everything a quaint Oregon town should be. Hills of pines act as backdrop to brick buildings, vintage stores, white picket fences, and funky coffee shops. In the heart of town, there are a series of theaters where from April to November you can catch a variety of Shakespeare plays.

One night, I went with the students to the showing of Henry V. The play was in the outdoor Elizabethan theater, modeled after the original Globe theater –– a beautiful two-story stage out under the stars. (You wouldn't believe how bundled up we got. It gets cold in Oregon at night, even in June. We brought the quilts and comforters from our beds. No, I'm not kidding. It looked like we'd set up permanent camp in our row, especially considering how many packs of gummy bears we snuck in.) Now, I've never been the hugest fan of the Henry plays. Yes, it's an interesting and classic concept ––  a boy becoming a man –– but I have to say, Hal never impressed me. I thought he was a whiny, spoiled prince who got lucky when he became king and won the war against the French. Until I saw this version of Henry V.

This company of actors have been playing these characters for the last 3 years, when they started with Henry IV, Part I.  The stage design set the tone so perfectly –– mostly grays and metallics, with colors of fire (English) and ice (French) laced throughout. The overall effect was sparse, hard, with clean lines. During one scene, it actually rained on stage, drumming real water in soft patterns. The whole production was so well crafted, a full work of art. The lilt of the old English became kind of intoxicating. There was something amazing about hearing the lovely cadence of the speeches, experiencing written words coming alive, watching characters develop right in front of your eyes.

The actor who played Henry was unbelievably talented (it helped that the next day we got to sit down with him and ask questions, seeing how deeply he researched and resonated with the character). He took all the passion and impulsiveness of Prince Hal and channeled it into a strong and rugged king, a man who uses the pressure of kingship to learn honor and integrity.  Henry, a scarred man (literally and figuratively) who has lost every loved one close to him, does not think too highly of himself, but treats kingship only as humanity with ceremony. His costuming was nothing special; in fact, he looked like a common soldier. Through him, as well as through the other actors in the play, I was forced to think deeply, to explore themes found in the play that I am learning in life.

I saw the heavy responsibility of leadership –– the passion and compassion needed to lead well. I saw the strength that must be summoned, along with understanding, in order to make difficult decisions. I saw the beauty of striving to be respectful, honorable and upright –– not to prove anything, but because it's how a good man, a good king acts. I saw how kindness and compassion can be co-mingled with integrity and strength. I saw the constancy of justice, and also the effect of mercy.

I also saw God in the play. I believe you can find God in anything good. But in this story, you get to see a miracle. Before a big battle, which the English will surely lose, Henry gives a simple speech to his men, his brothers (read St. Crispin's Day speech), which manages to be simultaneously understanding and demanding. His men proceed to win a completely miraculous victory against the French (a true story, by the way). After they learn the results of the battle, Henry and his men fall to their knees in prayer. After all the confusion and the fighting and the noise, this act had stunning power (as prayer should).

And then, came my absolute favorite part of the play. Okay, wait for it.

At the Shakespeare bookshop after the play, I bought the book copy of the company's version of the play. I loved what they chose to edit, and how clean, authentic and meaningful the result was. But I mostly bought it for this one quotation, which hit me hard. When I heard Henry say it on stage, I wanted him to repeat it six more times. After a harsh play, full of fighting and pain and exhaustion and difficult decisions, peace finally comes to the characters. Though the play gives a wonderful portrayal of the "fog of war," it also manages to show the beauty to be found in our humanity. And I think this particular part sums up the full character of King Henry very well. At the end of the play, Henry has a chance to forge the two nations by marrying the French princess, Kate. Now, I'm a through-and-through romantic. But I loved this quotation for its realism just as much as its sweetness. It rings true and kind, for even though Henry is the victor and could take the princess' hand forcibly, he approaches her humbly, as both a plain soldier and an honorable king. If I wasn't already totally in love with Henry, I was after this speech. I think this is the way love should be:

"And while thou liv'st, dear Kate, take a fellow of plain and uncoined constancy, for he perforce must do thee right, because he hath not the gift to woo in other places. For these fellows of infinite tongue, that can rhyme themselves into ladies' favours, they do always reason themselves out again. What, a speaker is but a prater, a rhyme is but a ballad. A good leg will fall, a straight back will stoop, a black beard will turn white, a curled pate will grow bald, a fair face will wither, full eye will wax hollow. But a good heart, Kate, is the sun and the moon, or rather the sun and not the moon, for it shines bright and never changes, but keeps his course truly. If thou would take such a one, take me; and take me a soldier; take a soldier, take a king. And what sayst thou then to my love?"

She says, yes, of course. There's nothing quite like a hard-earned happy ending.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Rules of Life

This year, Aubrey and I created this list, and I want to immortalize it. We had a few contributors, and each rule has a story. This list makes me laugh every time I read it.

Here are our rules of life: 
  • Always have a tutu on hand
  • If you have a ladder up the back of your vehicle, you don't belong in the fast lane
  • Always upgrade to the better alcohol
  • $.76 hot dogs are not a good idea
  • Everyone has a soft spot for trashy reality TV
  • Don't mess with Russians
  • Ziplock bags are universally handy
  • Pizookis and beach volleyball don't mix, even in small doses 
  • No real business should have a sign that's held up by plastic hooks 
  • Never trust a man in a wife-beater tank top
  • Rite Aid surprises
  • Four things that can fix any situation: duct tape, coconut oil, hydrogen peroxide, baking soda
  • If I see alcohol and people shooting off firearms, I leave immediately
  • Candles and flowers make everything pretty