Normalcy

Before leaving for my year in England, I thought a lot about the fact that I am getting older, and yet still don't quite know how to prepare myself for the unexpected, the unknowable. In some ways, I hold on to a childish idea of normalcy; I cling to what is comfortable. But as I continue to grow up (despite my efforts to find Neverland), I am slowly and surely realizing that there is no "normal" to return to. Life in its seasons changes everything. There is no longer a status quo. For so many years, we have set paths to follow–– you play the role of student from elementary through college. You have set notions of how to be a good daughter, sister, friend (mostly formed from watching adults and sometimes sitcoms). And you have set dreams –– the same ones you've been dreaming since childhood. For me, it's the quaint picket fence and babies and gardening on Saturday afternoons. But when you move into adulthood, there are setbacks, failures, pain and complexities. You find yourself thinking "I just want to get back to normal." But, the thing is, you're never the same once you get through that move, that fight, that difficult class, that heart break. And in many ways, you're glad you're not the same. Yes, some of the childish optimism might be gone, but in its place, perhaps you'll find strength or perspective or richer faith.  But what was "normal" previously sometimes won't fit as comfortably as it once did. And that new reality is difficult for me to come to terms with. I like my set ideas, my set dreams, my set paths. I don't enjoy being uncomfortable, and who isn't scared a little of the unknown? But because life in its seasons, in its complexities, in its failures & triumphs has changed me, I am forced to move on –– to become more and more comfortable with having no control, no set role or view of reality, and to accept a shifting definition of what is"normal."

Thank goodness for a God who is the one unchanging and constant force in life.